Friday, March 28, 2008

Socially Inept

I feel so socially inept sometimes. It's like when I'm around people, any little bit of social skills I might have once had completely disappear. It's rather disappointing, especially since I want to meet new people. Most of the problem is that I simply have no clue as to how to start or continue a conversation. I've read a large bit of self-help essays on the web about how to gain better social skills, and they haven't really helped me all that much. A part of me feels that it's due to the fear of not being taken seriously due to the way I talk, but I also think it may be because I shut myself off in middle school, when I decided to become a loner.

Anyone have any tips they'd like to share?

Monday, March 24, 2008

Maybe the best isn't always the best?

It's been a long time since I've last posted, but I really didn't feel like I could write unique posts every week. But I'm going to try something a little different. I want to continue writing about my experiences (because it gives me a place to vent or rethink things that have happened), but I want to do two new things. I believe I asked this before, but if anyone has their own story to share, please email me at karmalily [at] gmail [dot] com. I won't open attachments, so post your story in the email rather than in a MS Word document, and I'll post it here on What Did You Say?. The other new addition is going to be more information regarding speech impediments in general. I'm not going to pound everyone with a lot of scientific information, but a little knowledge is important.

Anyway, since that's all out of the way, onto the post. Even though I'm getting a little braver at speaking in front of crowds/classes, I still get nervous about it. In one of my classes today, our professor returned the last exams we had taken. Instead of him going over the answers as usual, the person who received the highest score was made to stand in front of the class and go through the answers, as well as another student or two reading their essay questions to the class.

As soon as he said this would be a new policy in the class, I quietly freaked out inside. Not cool. Of course, every time I have little freak-out sessions in my head over stuff involving my anxiety about public speaking, I get mad at myself, so that didn't make me feel any better.

The thing that really disturbed me was that one of my first thoughts was that I didn't want the highest grade in the class next time. I felt like I'd rather come in no more than second best rather than have people stare at me (or have me thinking they're staring at me).

That's a serious problem. I'll never succeed in life with this kind of thinking. I know I need to work on coming to terms with the way I speak, and I really, really want to, but whenever I think I'm finally getting over it I end up like this.